My FRIGGIN beloved Father

I doubt there's anybody else who 'gets' my Dad. He was completely 'dissed' as a child by his own mother because of an 'eye thing' (from HER side, btw). And he grew up knowing his mother out-right loved his brother, asshole, more. AND.....I haven't heard a WORD from this asshole brother since my Dad, his brother, died. WTF??? He's a sorry bastard.
Hey....Mel......don't walk in front of my car ....k???

Yet, this man, my Dad, never waned in his respect for anybody who dissed him. He never had anything bad to say about ANYONE.

You may have had your 'pain in the ass' moments', but you rocked Dad. I will Love You forever.

I miss my Mom

Wow.....I can't believe feelings can come on so strong. And after so long. The waves of grief hit me just as they did 1 day out, 2 months out, etc.

But now we're 6+ years out. And I'm taking my Mother's only grand-daughter to sign up for college classes to take in conjunction with her senior year. "She DID it, Mom. She showed up and is so interested, Mom. Can you believe we pulled this off?? Are you so proud?? She'll never be as much of a fuck up as I was!! What a coup!!" Those were my feelings leaving the registration session. And I DID physically pick up my phone to call Mom. Only to be once again hit by the wave of grief that tells me I won't be able to 'talk' to her until I 'get there'.

I miss you Mom. And I'm supposed to be a 'grown up' now. But when Jo-jo or I have really cool stuff going on, we miss you SO MUCH.

Because this message is just for you, I hope Dad hasn't driven you too nuts up there. There MUST be something to keep him busy - but I miss the hell out of him too. My world here has never been the same.

I speak of you and Dad to the kids ALL of the time - and so does Jo. Your grandkids continue to hear stories and it will never stop 'til Jo and I are gone.

It's a night where my heart is breaking missing you both.....but I still feel your Love.

Hillary Clinton

Okay....I DO hate to talk about politics, but happily I have an outlet now on this blog.

WHERE are Hillary's "35 years of experience" spent in politics??? Was that Whitewater?? "Sleeping" with a husband who made decisions? Or turning her head while said husband blatantly played with the hot chicks? I'd LOVE to know that answer.

I have no respect for Hillary as a woman, never mind a PRESIDENT!!! She allowed "Bill" to get away with many fundamental 'dis's' towards her. I'd have cut my husband's body parts off after that kind of dis and humiliation. BUT.....she stuck by him. Why??? For political pay back. To me, she sold her soul on that one. Her campaign has the best 'spin doctor' ever to keep these things from coming up.

In the mud-throwing of politics, I'm the first one to steer clear of the accusations. BUT, after having watched the S.S. Cole be attacked by Bin Laden under Bill's watch, and Hillary letting 'Bill' off for his slaps to her while in office, I have to wonder if and when these people ever draw a line. Or do they all just whore themselves for advancement WITHOUT a line. Either way, I'm "out".

Sad and sick.

obsessed with Spring

I suppose within the near future it will become VERY apparent that I'm REALLY obsessed with Spring. Attempting to self-analyze, there are a number of reasons I know of. First off, I LOVE to be outside. Futzing around in the yard with the puppy, some great tunes on and barefoot is really my idea of bliss. The second thing is color. Winter in New Jersey is monochromatic. I truly believe the beauty of Fall is to give you your last dose of color before everything turns to shades of gray and white. It's dark in the morning at 6:30 and its dark again in the afternoon by 5 p.m. The SAD theory used to sound like pure who-ha to me when I was younger. Now approaching that 'middle-aged' portion of my days, I can verify that the lack of sunlight CAN effect your affect.

During the winter, I look forward to 7 p.m. on a daily basis. At that magical hour, my mind tells me there's only ONE hour left to attend to the domestic tasks of everyday life before I can grab a source of 'read' and watch T.V. without feeling guilty. Sad. Come Spring, I look forward to the 10 a.m.-ish time of day when I won't look completely insane being out in the yard checking the flowers, feeling the birds and coming up with whatever 'new' projects I envision. I'm not sure if there's something 'wrong' with me, but I do question myself at times as working outside is something I find to be completely therapeutic.

Whelp - be sure that when I retrieve my newspaper in the morning tomorrow, I'll be checking the height of the tulips with a serious excitement!!

17 days 'til SPRING

Today we hit a 55 degrees!! Downright BALMY - with a strong, shining sun.

Over the weekend, the Barlow's sign FINALLY started the 'number-of-days-til-Spring' count down. This is the time of winter I can finally see and feel the light at the end of the tunnel.

Nothin' like some fresh cut flowers to watch bloom and keep me in a happy place.

After addressing the household tasks earlier today, I thought I'd treat myself and Shadow to a walk on the bike path. Needless to say, Shadow did the 'happy dog trot' for the entirety of the walk. When I noticed he started limping a little bit, we turned around to come back but he enjoyed every minute.

My furbabies I

You're looking at two 'life forms' who've added so much love to my life. While all humans can have issues, these two have given me so much unconditional love its amazing.

I've been an animal lover since I can remember, although growing up in Northern New Jersey, my parents (more so my Mom) weren't very interested in pet ownership. Looking back I can remember finding baby birds who'd fallen out of nests, kittens, small mice.....any form of 'animal' would somehow find me. If injured, I'd harass my mother into helping me find it veterinary care. If deceased, there was always a "proper funeral" given out of respect for life.

My first cat, named "Sam" out of my family's need to be androgynous (my parents didn't' know what sex it was), I found across Ivy Street under a car as a kitten. She was howling for her mother and I BEGGED my parents to let me keep her. So in kindergarten at the age of 5, I had my first 'real' pet. Sam was your average grey/black domestic short-hair cat but I thought she was the most beautiful thing I could ever want. Although I was really little, I do remember connecting with her and feeling I knew what she wanted/needed. Sam lived almost 21 years and we had to put her down the weekend of my then-boyfriend's birthday. I hated having to be at a birthday celebration at his mother's house that Sunday when I knew the next morning I was going to lose what I'd known to be my best buddy. My Dad drove me and Sam to the Arlington Vet and I know watching me so distraught broke his heart. I was with Sam when she passed but was inconsolable for weeks - even taking a week off from my job so as to not embarrass myself with my sob attacks.

Then maybe about 8 months later after I became engaged, I read a "Found" classified in the Observer which touched my heart. It seems a little kitten was found on the Elm Street train tracks ("the track") On contacting the person who listed the ad, she told me if nobody came forward to claim the kitten she would allow me to adopt it. Without even dropping a hint to my parents, with whom I still lived in a basement room, the following Friday I went and picked up another 'beautiful' gray and black domestic short-hair. Her name was "Tiffany". Tiffany was my first "real" charge, with me being responsible for her food, vet bills, etc. She was a very sweet cat to me, although she didn't take kindly to my husband once we lived together and he took 'her side' of the bed. She adapted well to the births of both of my children and 2 moves to different houses.

When my son Danny was about 5, the husband finally succumbed to the begging of me and the kids. That Christmas, "Shadow" arrived as a 5 year old little black ball of fur. His Mom was a Shepard and his Dad a Black Lab. I'd never had much exposure at all to raising dogs, so along with the 2 young kids I had my hands full. Not knowing much I consulted with a neighbor how had a long history of great dogs as pets. She was wonderful in her advice and I was committed to raising a well-adjusted dog. In hindsight, Shadow was a very smart and easy to train puppy. Many attempts were made by Shadow to befriend set-in-her-ways Tiffany, but to no avail.

For my daughter's communion, she wanted a kitten. A friend who gave her piano lessons was a feline foster mom or sorts who just had a new litter. The daughter chose from the litter an adorable long-haired orange and white kitten. His mother's name was "Peaches", so we named HIM P.J., short for Peaches Junior. P.J. was a feisty kitten and a mischievous adolescent. He was in to everything to the point where you had to laugh. P.J. had NO fear of Shadow and the two became fast friends. With Shadow being well behaved and P.J. being the 'Denise-the-menace' of cats, there were a great pair.

Even though friends, Shadow would always protect Tiffany from P.J. A favorite pastime for P.J. was to lurk in the shadows waiting for "Tiffy" to pass and then pounce. She hated and feared him. If Shadow caught wind of the lurking P.J., he would stand by and intercept the pounce, allowing Tif to pass by safely. I thought it was cute but she never seemed quite as thankful to Shadow.

Furbabies II to follow.

frustration

i just HATE creepy people. for some reason, a number of software companies i've purchased services from have combined forces and are out to break me!! don't worry, i know this is NOT true, but today it sure feels like this is the case!!

how is it that multiple vendors can all hit me with unauthorized transactions against an ATM card all at the same time? i've really never had anything like this happen before.

so, this friday afternoon i spend my time totally stressing - and chasing down the culprits. i'm exhausted and frustrated and coule better use my time in WORKING to buff back UP these accounts. arrggghhhh.

TGIF

daily life

in the midst of winter, daily life around here consists of a 6:30 a.m. wake-up, courtesy of my cell alarm. then its off to wrestle up the boy-child, while perfect puppy and 'lil cat (not so) patiently wait for me to provide my morning escort into the kitchen.

the husband is showering in prep for his schlep to work while the girl-child slams, throws and bangs her way into consciousness. the best advice i could give anyone within these walls at that time of the day would be to lay low. very, very low. besides the boy-child and the puppy, everyone else is looking for a victim. surviving this can only be declared once the offspring have burnt rubber out of the driveway, soon followed by Magoo feeling his way across the state to Princeton.

Ahhhhh.....then its time for a lovely cup of coffee, surrounded by my fur babies in a now serene environment. this 10 minute window is the most peaceful of the entire day.

but then reality sets in once again and i'm off to the gym to hurt myself 'just enough' to stay out of the ER. the partner-in-crime and i see if we can manage another morning amongst the 'heavenly' bodies without the need for a 911 call. being able to walk out of that place every morning is a VICTORY!!

insanity contained - and its contents

Ahhh....my first post in my very own blog.
Yippie!!!
The reason I can give for even starting this: age. Although I'm considered to be on the 'young end' of middle age, the symptoms of OLD age are approaching fast. My vision is deteriorating and Lord knows what will go next.
The most alarming of the effect though, is my mind. Not sure if its 'hormone-related', but I've recently noticed my memory seems to go 'in and out' occasionally. Although this may be due to a phenomenon similar to my husband's 'selective hearing', it can be frightening.
So, hopefully in writing and re-reading this blog, I'll be able to keep an eye on my own self.
Hang on - this could be an interesting ride!!